


what2do (when your love is just a memory)

by dainty_lion



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Mild Suicidal Thoughts, Smut, Supernatural Elements, chanyeol finds peace, i still love u, im sorry baeks, the ending's kinda sad but still happy i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 02:25:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12223821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dainty_lion/pseuds/dainty_lion
Summary: Baekhyun can't stand the sight of Chanyeol's ugly crying face.





	what2do (when your love is just a memory)

**Author's Note:**

> The title (only the title, not the story) was inspired by one of Dean's song which has the exact same title and I really like that song so why not xx

_\--_

_The day his husband passed away, a part of Chanyeol died inside as well -- the happy virus part, the Chanyeol who always manages to find the good in everything; the Chanyeol who enjoys making everyone around him happy; the Chanyeol who was a ray of sunshine. The part of Chanyeol which lived was the miserable Chanyeol -- the Chanyeol who yells at kids for being too noisy; the Chanyeol who hates stepping out of his apartment because of all the happy things outside that would remind him of his late husband; the Chanyeol who thought of ending his life; the Chanyeol who couldn't smile anymore._

_\--_

 

**February 26, 2012**

Today was the last day of the examinations and Chanyeol was finally done with his paper, and after he has finished checking his work for the third time, he set it down on the table with a satisfied sigh. All those nights spent staying up late to study, all the meals that he has skipped to attend extra lessons, it all boils down to this. Instead of leaving the examination hall, Chanyeol remained in his seat, since his noticed that his friends were all still busy writing away and it wasn't like he was in a rush to be somewhere else anyway. His eyes scanned the examination hall until his gaze rested on a boy. 

The boy was busy writing away too with furrowed brows, and his bottom lip was caught between his teeth, he was biting it so hard that it turned white. Chanyeol didn't know the boy's name nor has he ever spoken to the boy before, but he had seen him around school a few times. The boy was handsome, pleasing on the eyes, hence Chanyeol stared a little too long, until he felt a tap on his shoulder. 

"Look at your own paper." 

A teacher threw him a warning glare before walking away and Chanyeol looked down embarrassedly. But he couldn't resist looking at the boy again after a few seconds, although a lot more subtly this time. The boy's hair had fallen into his eyes but he paid no mind to it, his full attention was spent on furiously scribbling on his paper. Then he looked up to check the timing and that's when he finally noticed Chanyeol staring at him, but he looked down again a second later. Chanyeol felt his cheeks flush.

 

**January 2, 2013**

It has been a week since Chanyeol has started work at this firm and truthfully, the work has been pretty mundane but he gets it. One has to start from the bottom in order to get to the top anyways. Furthermore, today has been a good day (so far) because he has managed to earn a praise from his superior for his work performance, and he had helped someone in need -- an old man who seemed to have lost his way and Chanyeol guided him to his destination. 

_Today can't get any better. Or can it?_

It wasn't until Chanyeol was about to knock off work then did he get his answer. 

_His day just got a thousand times better._

There was that boy again, that boy from the examination hall, with his too-long fringe and attractive-looking face. That boy who Chanyeol has bumped into several times in school but never spoke to before, and it seems like he works here too. 

To be honest, ever since that day Chanyeol has laid his eyes on him, he had felt a little regretful that he'd never once plucked up that courage to initiate a conversation or even smile when their eyes meet occasionally. The heavens must be giving him that chance now. 

_Thanks God, bro, dude, my man._

However, the boy disappeared the next moment and Chanyeol promised himself that he would go up and talk to him the next time he sees him. 

 

**February 1, 2013**

Turns out, _next time_ took even longer than Chanyeol had expected. He hadn't seen the boy for a month already but it wasn't all that surprising since they weren't working in the same department, and Chanyeol rarely left his. But he'd finally spotted the boy again during his lunch break. The boy was alone (fortunately) so it made it easier for Chanyeol to approach him, without any unwanted attention. Chanyeol politely declined his colleagues' invitation to lunch together before racing towards his ex-school mate. 

Chanyeol felt his footsteps slowing down as he neared the boy, the confidence he had seconds ago suddenly shriveled up and died. But he took a deep breath before forcing himself to continue walking, and he gave the boy a tap on the shoulder.

"Hey." 

Chanyeol blinked several times when the boy turned around because his face up-close was simply breathtaking, and Chanyeol felt his cheeks flushing.

"You go to Seoul University too, right? I saw you around school a few times." Chanyeol gave himself a mental pat on the back that he even managed to form coherent words because he didn't think he would be capable of doing that, especially since the boy was staring straight into his eyes now. 

"Hey." 

The boy replied with a smile. Gosh he looked so pretty when he smiles, with his eyes going all crinkly at the ends. 

Chanyeol felt himself tensing a little when he saw the boy looking a little confused. _What did he expect, that the boy would remember a face like his in the crowd of hundreds?_  

"It's okay if you don't--"

"No I do! I just can't remember when-- oh! The examination hall! You were there too, right?" The boy was smiling with excitement at this revelation and Chanyeol felt his smile widening into a grin. 

"Yeah! It's so nice to see a familiar face at a company which I know no one." Chanyeol smiled in relief. 

"I know, right? My name's Byun Baekhyun by the way." Baekhyun extended a hand out and Chanyeol wasted no time in shaking it. 

"I'm Park Chanyeol, it's _so_ nice to meet you." Chanyeol felt like kicking himself the second he said those words. _Why did he enunciate his pronunciation on his "so"? Baekhyun's so gonna think he's a creep now._

To Chanyeol's relief, Baekhyun just chuckled at his enthusiasm.

"It's really nice to meet you too." 

Chanyeol then raised a hand to rub his nape, a habit that he does whenever he feels shy or embarrassed. 

"Would you like to have lunch with me?" Chanyeol asked meekly, and he hastily spoke up before Baekhyun could even say anything. "I mean, it's okay if you're eating with someone else already or something it's totally--"

Baekhyun released a hearty laugh, and Chanyeol's ears felt as if they had been blessed by the Gods, _and his cheeks felt as though they were on fire._

"I _would_ like to have lunch with you, actually." Baekhyun let out another tinkly laugh. "My friends are too busy to eat with me today." Baekhyun pouted and Chanyeol had to bite his inner cheeks in order to stop himself from gushing about how adorable he looked.

"Oh. I haven't really considered anyone here my friend yet. Everyone seems so... superficial." Chanyeol shrugged. 

"I feel you dude. But they're my Uni friends, you might have seen them around school too. Maybe you can join my friends and I the next time we lunch together. I bet you guys will get along really well." Baekhyun beamed and all Chanyeol could think of was next time.

_Baekhyun wanted to see him again._

**April 2, 2013**

Chanyeol has been hanging out with Baekhyun fairly often now, along with the company of his friends, and Baekhyun was right, they had hit it off from the first "Hey! Baek's told us about you," and they were all pretty chummy with one another now. 

But truth to be told, Chanyeol's favourite lunch dates were those that were spent with Baekhyun and Baekhyun _only_ , not because he didn't like the other guys but because he wanted Baekhyun to himself, wanted to give his full attention to Baekhyun and wanted Baekhyun's full attention on him as well. 

Chanyeol has never liked someone so much, so much that it hurts. He realised this fact from the first lunch date he had had with Baekhyun. They were like two peas in a pod, they had similar tastes in -- fashion, music, humor, food -- basically everything. 

And dare he say, he feels that maybe, _just maybe_ , Baekhyun might like him a little too.

 

**July 18, 2013**

Tomorrow was _the_ day.

The day that Chanyeol will be confessing his feelings to Baekhyun. After countless sleepless nights spent staying up thinking about scenario after scenario about every single possibility, Chanyeol has finally gathered enough courage to confess. He promised himself to not have any hard feelings even if Baekhyun were to reject him, and he spent almost the entire night praying to whoever's up there that Baekhyun would like him back. 

 

**July 19, 2013**

Baekhyun agreed. Baekhyun actually liked him back! And Chanyeol has never felt this ecstatic in his entire life. Baekhyun even admitted that he has already liked Chanyeol for quite some time already, but he didn't dare to confess for fear of ruining their friendship (just like what Chanyeol was initially worried about), and to that, Chanyeol gave the shorter's hair an affectionate tousle.

"Silly Baekkie." 

 

**May 6, 2014**

Baekhyun had already told Chanyeol that he didn't like surprises so the latter didn't bother trying to. Instead they just spent the whole day at home, _in bed_ , at Baekhyun's request, of course. 

"Is there really nothing else you want?" Chanyeol held Baekhyun by the waist to prevent him from thrusting.

" _All_ I want is that beautiful body of yours, Yeolchan Park." Baekhyun smiled while biting his bottom lip, and Chanyeol couldn't help grinning at the ridiculous nickname that he came up with. "Just let me fuck you already." 

Being caught off guard by Baekhyun's lip bite, Chanyeol's grip on his waist loosened and Baekhyun immediately started thrusting erratically into him. 

"Yeollie, would you moan for me?"

" _Ahh Baekhyun._ " 

"Yeollie, louder." 

Baekhyun was too busy taunting Chanyeol that his rhythm started to slow down, and Chanyeol whined.

" _Baekhyun_ , faster." 

"It's my birthday, Yeollie. I'll make the decisions." Baekhyun said with a leer while petting Chanyeol's cheek, and the latter could only pout.

"Alright I'll grant you your wish, because you're just too cute for me to say no." Baekhyun started thrusting into Chanyeol, even faster and rougher than before.

" _Ahh! Baekhyun!_ " 

Chanyeol felt his muscles clenching around Baekhyun's length while he orgasmed, and soon the other was coming too, liquid warmth exploding into Chanyeol. 

Baekhyun then collapsed atop the taller, with a satiated smile and flushed cheeks.

"Best. Birthday. Ever." 

 

**Nov 27, 2014**

Chanyeol liked surprises, and so Baekhyun planned one.

"No peeking!" Baekhyun warned, in that excited tone of his.

"I'm not." 

Then Chanyeol felt Baekhyun releasing his grip around his wrist.

"Okay _now_ you may look." 

Chanyeol opened his eyes in awe to find the both of them at the entrance of an amusement park. 

"Surprise! You said you wanted to come here the last time but we were both so busy so I'm really sorry that it took so--"

Chanyeol kissed Baekhyun on the lips to stop his rambling, and he deepened the kiss to let Baekhyun know how much he appreciated his effort.

"Thanks Baekkie. This is awesome."

"Look I'd even bought us express passes! Guess who doesn't need to queue up today." Baekhyun said with a cheesy grin and Chanyeol has never felt so loved before. _And has never felt so in love._

Spending an entire day at the amusement park with Baekhyun was great-- scratch that -- _tremendous_ fun and although it was exhausting afterwards, no amount of lethargy could ever get Chanyeol to say no to sex with Baekhyun.  _  
_

"I get to top, right?"

"Of course. It's your birthday, after all." 

Chanyeol felt his insides tingling at how submissive Baekhyun was being, how good he was behaving -- so unlike how he was on _his_ own birthday. 

_Who's birthday boy, who's king._

Chanyeol stared longingly at Baekhyun, who was now stark naked just like he was. Chanyeol was filled with so much lust that he felt himself going a little light-headed. 

"Come here, Baekkie." 

The second Baekhyun was within arm's length, Chanyeol threw himself at him, smashing their lips together. Chanyeol sucked so hard on Baekhyun's lip that the smaller whined, but didn't object. Then he quickly peppered gentler kisses on it to soothe the pain. Chanyeol then felt slender fingers pumping his already half-hard member, and he released a deep moan into Baekhyun's mouth. 

"Baek can you--"

"No need to ask." Baekhyun pushed his index finger against Chanyeol's lips and that gesture was so hot that his dick actually twitched a little. "Just tell me what you want, and I'll do it."

"Baek, I want you to blow me." 

Without hesitation, Baekhyun lowered himself till his lips were inches away from Chanyeol's erection. Then he stared up at Chanyeol through his lashes. 

"Happy birthday Yeollie." 

Chanyeol let out a deep groan from the back of his throat when Baekhyun engulfed him whole. The warmth and wetness and everything about Baekhyun's mouth was just _so_ perfect and it took all of Chanyeol's willpower to not thrust madly into it, or else it might actually cause Baekhyun to die from dick chokage.

Still maintaining that eye contact (Chanyeol swears he can come just by looking at Baekhyun staring at him like that), Baekhyun started swirling his tongue around the tip, while his hands busied themselves by fingering the rest of the areas which his mouth couldn't reach. 

" _Baekhyun._ "

Chanyeol was being extremely vocal, not holding back any sounds of pleasure, because he knew how much Baekhyun loves them, just like how much he loves Baekhyun's. 

Chanyeol stopped Baekhyun just when he was about to orgasm, and the latter pulled off with a popping sound.

"What's wrong?"

Baekhyun looked so debauched even though Chanyeol was the one on the receiving end, and the latter reached over to gently caress Baekhyun's cheek.

"I want to come inside of you, Baek." Chanyeol breathed against Baekhyun's neck as he sat up from his position. "I want you to ride me." 

"Your wish is my command." 

Baekhyun gave a cheeky grin and proceeded to work himself open with lightning-quick fingers, and Chanyeol had to force himself to look away or else he might just come on the spot. The smaller then positioned himself atop Chanyeol's erection and slowly sinked lower.

" _Ahh Chanyeol_." Baekhyun let out a pleasured sigh when Chanyeol has bottomed out. 

"Are you feeling okay?" Although Baekhyun said not to ask, Chanyeol didn't want to hurt him by moving since he might be unprepared.

"Oh yeah." 

Baekhyun then lifted himself up a little before slamming down again and the both of them let out a moan in unison. _And Baekhyun actually had the nerve to giggle at this._

After minutes of lewd noises of skin slapping against skin and dirty words falling from their lips, the both of them finally came down from their high. 

Looking down at Baekhyun, _his_ Baekhyun, Chanyeol felt an overwhelming wave of emotion, a sudden surge of affection, at Baekhyun's effort in giving him the best birthday ever. 

"I love you." Chanyeol bent down to peck Baekhyun on the lips. 

"I love you more." Baekhyun smiled blissfully, with his eyes closed.

"I love you most." 

 

**Sep 30, 2017**

They've been married for two years now and at times, Chanyeol found it hard to believe that time passes so fast, especially when every, single day of his life has been spent being with his favourite person in the entire universe. 

 

**Dec 18, 2018**

Sometimes _even_ Chanyeol is surprised at just how much he loves Baekhyun, so much that it scares himself a little at times -- how over-protective and possessive he can get whenever Baekhyun's concerned; the lengths he would go to just to please the other, but it's all reciprocated so it's okay. He knows that Baekhyun loves him back just as much too. 

Sometimes, just when Chanyeol thinks that this was the maximum that he could love someone, Baekhyun would just prove him wrong by being all lovable again. Like that one time when Chanyeol was pretty cranky for quite a few days because of work and stress and just life in general, and Baekhyun actually made a complete fool of himself by tying his hair into two little ponytails, just to make Chanyeol laugh. And knowing Baekhyun, that must have been really embarrassing for him since he's the type of person who hates making a fool of himself, even in front of Chanyeol, and that made him even _more_ unspeakably endearing. 

 

**May 6, 2045**

Chanyeol thought of surprising Baekhyun this year, for _once_ , since they were both kinda ancient now (being fifty-three years old and all), so Chanyeol wasn't that worried about Baekhyun using his Hapkido skills on him out of annoyance. 

Chanyeol's phone sounded and it was Baekhyun's number, and he picked it up with a huge smile.

But it wasn't Baekhyun who called.

In the end, it was Chanyeol who was surprised -- that is, if surprise felt like having your heart ripped out of your chest while you're still conscious and breathing. 

Then yes, Chanyeol was surprised.

 

**May 7, 2045**

The operation has already been going on for more than eight hours and all Chanyeol could think of was what the paramedics had told him. _According to the driver, Mr Byun Baekhyun had ran across the street out of nowhere, and he had no time to stop. His wallet and cell phone are the only belongings that were found at the scene. Are you okay, Mr Park?_

The lights to the operating theatre finally dimmed, which signalled the end of the operation, and Chanyeol scrambled to his feet at once.

"We're sorry Mr Park. We tried our best but Mr Byun--"

Before he knew what he was doing, Chanyeol reached out to grab the doctor by his shirt and tried pushing him back into the operating theatre.

"That means you haven't tried your best! Go back in there and bring him back to life! All of you!"

"Mr Park you have to calm down--"

"Don't you fucking ask me to calm down. Get the hell back in there!" 

It wasn't until Chanyeol was restrained by security then did he calmed down, his legs wobbled under him and everything started getting darker and darker.

 

**May 8, 2045**

Chanyeol woke up only to find himself in an unfamiliar place, with an unfamiliar face peering down at him. 

"Oh you're up, Mr Park." _Wait a sec, this was the doctor from yesterday. The doctor who couldn't save his Baekhyun--_

Chanyeol burst out crying at the realization but he stopped blaming the doctor, he knew it was probably no one's fault but Baekhyun's own but how could he blame _Baekhyun_?

"Just leave me alone." Chanyeol buried back under covers to continue with his weeping in peace.

"Okay I will, but I just wanted to return this to you." There was a metallic  _clinking_ sound when whatever it was came into contact with the table. "We had to remove this from Mr Byun's finger while he was undergoing operation." 

_His wedding ring. Their wedding ring._

Chanyeol grabbed the ring and burrowed back under covers.

 

**Jun 1, 2045**

"Baekhyun-ah! I--"

It was on days like this that hurt the most.

Even after almost an entire month, Chanyeol was still too used to waking up to Baekhyun by his side; too used to reaching over to play with Baekhyun's hair; too used to cuddling with Baekhyun, that he keeps forgetting that the said man wasn't here anymore. And every single time, Chanyeol couldn't fight the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes because he _yearned_  to hold Baekhyun again, to see him again, to listen to his voice again. But instead, Chanyeol's greeted by an empty space on the bed; an eerie apartment; a bitter silence. 

 

**Oct 30, 2045**

Chanyeol was starting to meet up with his friends again, but that doesn't mean that he wasn't still depressed over his late husband. And besides, he was only meeting up with them because he was forced into it.

(" _For the last time Yeol, I swear I will burn that apartment of yours down if you ignore us one more fucking time.")_

_("Yeah Yeol you heard Soo, and I'm totally in if he decides to burn your house down. I can't believe you're already ancient yet here you are still acting like a freaking moody adolescent.")_

Chanyeol has really great friends. 

 

**Mar 22, 2046**

Chanyeol was going on a vacation with his friends tomorrow, the three of them have been planning this for a while now and for once, Chanyeol genuinely felt like he was looking forward to it. 

"Baekhyun-ah," Chanyeol took a break from packing his stuff to talk to Baekhyun (his picture, that is) for a while. He caressed the photo frame lovingly -- which was spotless and in pristine condition, for Chanyeol wiped it almost every day -- with his thumb. "I'll be gone for four days, I'm going on a vacation with Kyungsoo and Jongdae. You remember them, right? I think you do. Ahh, I remember how the three of you used to gang up and tease me." 

Chanyeol stopped talking for a while because his lips were starting to tremble from trying to hold back his tears. As much as he hated himself for it, Chanyeol still couldn't _not_ cry whenever he talks to Baekhyun's picture, or whenever he thinks about that amazing, beautiful, charming, smart, and funny guy. And it probably sounds crazy, but Chanyeol swears he could still hear Baekhyun's voice at times -- soft and discreet, a mere whisper of encouragement, but unmistakable -- tickling the shell of his ear, or even feel Baekhyun's gentle fingertips on his arms whenever Chanyeol cries in front of the altar. 

"I hope you wouldn't be too upset with me for leaving you alone for four days." Chanyeol furiously wiped his tears away. "Maybe I shouldn't go--" 

One of the bulbs of the fairy lights surrounding Baekhyun's altar fused, and Chanyeol frowned because he'd only just bought it the other day, but his phone sounded before he could think too much about it. 

"Jongdae-ah, yeah I'm almost done packing already. Yeah I promise I wouldn't flake on y'all _again_." Chanyeol tapped the fused bulb with his free hand, and it suddenly came back on. "Okay, see you." 

Chanyeol then turned back to Baekhyun's smiling face with a smile. 

"I guess you didn't want me to flake on them, huh?" He chuckled while fingering the resurrected bulb, before shaking his head with a sigh, and he could've sworn he heard Baekhyun's soft chuckle.  _Yeol you crazy old dude._

 

**Mar 24, 2046**

Chanyeol was lounging alongside Kyungsoo on the sand, while watching Jongdae playfully splashing around in the water and waddling about, _as if he wasn't an old dude himself who was already married with three kids._

"Get a load of that 53-year-old toddler." Kyungsoo deadpanned before letting out an amused chuckle. 

"Let him live, Soo." Chanyeol laughed along. "We all know Jongdae will forever be a kid." 

It felt nice, chilling in the outdoors with his closest friends, people who understand what he's going through, people who understand him. 

"So how's life? Good?" 

It sounded like a general question but Chanyeol knew very well what was Kyungsoo referring to. 

"It's fine, I guess." Chanyeol always kept his answer brief whenever his friends ask about how was he coping with Baekhyun's departure, he was afraid that he might burst out crying if he were to dwell on it for too long. And usually his friends would just let it drop.

"Chanyeol, you know we'll always be here for you, right? Me and that man-child." Kyungsoo placed a comforting hand on Chanyeol's arm and he shot the other a grateful smile. Kyungsoo might say mean stuff all the time but Chanyeol knows it was just his way of showing affection. 

"Yeah I know. I really appreciate it." 

The mood was kinda sombre for a while before Kyungsoo spoke up again. 

"I think I'm gonna join Jongdae for a swim. You comin'?" 

"Nah I'm good." Chanyeol shook his head with a smile and took a sip of his juice. Now that he was alone, he let out a soft sigh while staring at the vast ocean. _What would happen if he were to dive in there, to the bottom and never resurface? If he really did drown, will he finally get to see Baekhyun? Will they finally be reunited--_

There was a sudden breeze blowing onto Chanyeol's nape, it was much more chilly, a different one from the usual breeze that still held a slight warmth from the sun. And it distracted Chanyeol from his thoughts. _What was he thinking about again?_

 

**May 6, 2048**

Today used to be one of Chanyeol's favourite days, but now it was his most depressing one. 

Chanyeol made his way to the columbarium early in the morning as usual, so that he could avoid the crowds, and he would bring along a bowl of Baekhyun's favourite udon soup, _as always_ , since Baekhyun doesn't like surprises, so it's the same present every year. 

After setting down the food and stuff, Chanyeol sat down in front of Baekhyun's tomb as well. 

"Baekhyun-ah, I'm here again, with your favourite udon soup, without the shallots, just the way you like it." Chanyeol smiled while placing the chopsticks down. He then proceeded to clean Baekhyun's photo with a hankerchief.

"Why did you have to pass away on your birthday, Baekhyun-ah? Ahh, I used to love this day. The day where you get to top, remember?" Chanyeol gave a humorless laugh and he felt tears flowing again but he just allowed it, since no one was here to see it anyway (another reason he visits this early in the morning). 

After several hours, people started streaming in and Chanyeol took this as cue to leave. 

"Goodbye, Baekhyun-ah. I love you." 

 

_"Yeolchan Park." Baekhyun was straddling his hips, with nothing on but a smile upon his face._

_"Baekhyun?" Chanyeol sounded confused even to his own ears. "What are you doing here? I've missed you so much." He sat up and hugged Baekhyun tightly in his embrace, but the smaller only chuckled and wiggled out of his arms._

_"It's my turn to top, remember?"_

_Suddenly, the scene changed and they were at an amusement park, riding in a cable car. And now they were both dressed._

_"I have a wish to make, Yeollie."_

_"What do you want?"_

_Baekhyun's face was suddenly stained with tears but he was still smiling brightly at Chanyeol._

_"I want you to be happy."_

 

Chanyeol awoke with a jerk and he looked around at once, but there was no sign of Baekhyun. It was just a dream, but it had felt so, _so_ realistic. Chanyeol then laid back down with a sigh, only to realise that his face were wet with tears.

 

**Nov 27, 2050**

Chanyeol headed straight to the bathroom the second he unlocked the door, he badly needed to puke after having drank so much during his birthday celebration with his friends. 

Chanyeol then crashed on the couch after he was done throwing up his entire dinner and perhaps a little bit of his lunch as well, which made him feel slightly better. Then there was a sudden knock on his door, and he'd actually wanted to ignore it but whoever it was wouldn't leave, so it left him with no choice but to drag himself to get it.

"What?" Chanyeol groaned the second he threw it open and he felt a little more sober when his vision finally focused enough for him to make out that it was a woman dressed totally in black. And Chanyeol didn't know why but the first thing that came to his mind was that this woman was related to Kyungsoo, probably because he dresses in full black as well. 

The woman let herself in before Chanyeol could slam the door in her face. 

"Kyungsoo doesn't stay here, y'know." He blurts out but it went ignored.

"My name is Song Qian. I have some messages to relay to you from Byun Baekhyun." 

Chanyeol felt his brows furrowing and he roughly grabbed the woman by her wrist without thinking.

"What the fuck are you talking about, lady? Is this some kind of a joke?"

The woman merely rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue in annoyance. 

"You have fifteen minutes." She said to no one in particular. Then she glared at the space on her left for a while before letting out a huff. "Alright fine. You get half an hour." 

She suddenly blacked out and collapsed against Chanyeol's chest, and he stood there frozen for a while. _Is she dead?_

Before Chanyeol could decide on where to hide her body, she regained her consciousness (to his relief). And he could've sworn the colour of her pupils had changed, it seemed black as charcoal a moment ago but now it was hazel -- like Baekhyun's. 

Chanyeol then released his grip on her and just stared warily instead. "So what messages did you wanted to relay?" 

She suddenly reached a hand out to gently caress Chanyeol's cheek and his eyes widened before he swatted her hand away.

"What are you doing?"

"Chanyeol-ah." 

"Do I know you, lady?" 

"It's me, Yeolchan Park." She smiled fondly and Chanyeol felt his eyes widening in disbelief, before shaking his head vigorously.

"It can't be... Baekhyun?" Chanyeol felt like this was a prank yet he wanted so badly for it to be real. "Baekhyun? Is it really you?" 

"Yes Yeollie, it's really me." Song Qian-- _Baekhyun_  smiled. 

"What-- how did this happen? Who's she? How did you--"

Baekhyun pushed an index finger against Chanyeol's lips and the latter felt a sense of deja vu. 

"You heard her, right? I've only got half an hour before she kicks me out so let me talk, please? You can ask me anything you want later." 

Chanyeol frowned but nodded anyways. 

"I'd help her out a little so she's loaning me her body for a while. She's a psychic medium. And I came here to give you a piece of my mind, Chanyeol. I've been watching over you since forever and sometimes I really want to slap the fuck out of you, and I swear I would if I could touch you. It's been five years, Chanyeol. Five years! Why are you still being all mopey about me? You have such great friends but you keep pushing them away! You should talk to them, release your grievances, it could help a lot, you know. And don't you even fucking dare to think about killing yourself just so that you can see me again because I swear to God if you ever did that, I will never forgive you, much less see you again. Ever." 

Baekhyun paused for a while to catch his breath, and his eyes were wet with tears when he looked up again.

"I love you, Chanyeol. I really appreciate your love and devotion towards me but it hurts me so bad to see you like this. I've been by your side all this while and every time you cry or get frustrated with yourself, it hurts me. And oh how much I long to just reach out and hold you in my arms and tell you that everything's okay, but I can't. Because I'm dead! Chanyeol. You've got to let me go, and that doesn't mean stop loving me either. Just, stop feeling so sorry for me, and for yourself, and just live the remaining of your life to the fullest. Do it for me. Do it for yourself, Chanyeol." 

Baekhyun took another deep breath and held Chanyeol's hand in his. 

"I can't move on unless you do, Chanyeol-ah." 

Chanyeol was silent for a while, letting Baekhyun's words slowly sink in. 

Suddenly, Baekhyun-- _Song Qian_  pulled her hand out from Chanyeol's grasp.

"I'll take my leave then."

She nodded towards Chanyeol then towards the space beside him before leaving, and after a while, it suddenly dawned on Chanyeol.

"Wait up!" He ran to the lift lobby but she was already gone, so he closed the door and turned around with a dejected sigh. "How can I even talk to Baekhyun when I can't even see..."

Chanyeol's jaw dropped as he watched Baekhyun materialized right before his eyes. 

"You... I can see you." 

"That's kinda the whole point, Chanyeol." Baekhyun threw the other his trademark Cheshire-cat grin, and Chanyeol slapped himself. "Why'd you do that for?" Baekhyun's eyes widened in horror before rushing towards the taller to rub his cheek. 

"I just wanted to make sure this isn't a dream. Wait. I can touch you. I can..." Chanyeol's eyes widened again and he hugged Baekhyun tightly in his arms with his eyes squeezed shut, as if the smaller would disappear if he were to open them. Then he started crying.

"I'm here now Chanyeol. Don't cry." Baekhyun ran a soothing palm across the expanse of Chanyeol's back, while the other was planted firmly on his waist. Chanyeol suddenly pulled away, only to hold Baekhyun by the shoulders.

"Let me look at you." Chanyeol raised a trembling hand up to caress Baekhyun's face, with careful tenderness, as if Baekhyun was a house of cards which would be destroyed if he were to exert even the slightest bit of strength. 

"I've missed feeling your fingers against my skin, Chanyeol-ah." Baekhyun smiled while leaning into his touch. 

"But if you could materialize, why did you have to possess Song Qian?"

"Because I can only materialize for an hour, so I had to use it carefully. I didn't want to waste it while I was busy talking and doing nothing else." 

"Those chills that I've felt over the years, those whispers of yours and those fingertips on my skin, it was really you right, Baekhyun? I wasn't delusional, right?" 

"Yes it was me. That was the most I could do then, I couldn't figure out what to do to communicate with you, except by just blowing onto your neck and stuff. Now I've finally figured this out but I can only last for an hour before I become immaterial again." 

"I see," was all that Chanyeol could manage to say. One hour wasn't enough. There were so many things he wanted to _do_ with Baekhyun, to _tell_ Baekhyun, to _show_ Baekhyun, and he started crying again.

"Actually, the real reason I came here today was to give you your birthday present." Baekhyun smiled that shy smile of his before continuing. "I came here to make love to you one last time, Chanyeol-ah. It's your turn to top, remember?" 

Chanyeol tried to make the best out of his last lovemaking with Baekhyun, and it felt amazing as always, but he still couldn't help but cry throughout it, even while he thrusted into Baekhyun, even while Baekhyun peppered his face and neck with little nibbles and kisses. The thought of Baekhyun leaving him again after this, was just too overwhelming. 

Their coital ended with twenty minutes left to spare, so the both of them cuddled in bed. Baekhyun ran his fingers through Chanyeol's hair while humming an unfamiliar tune. 

"Chanyeol, I love you. You tell me that every single day and I'm so glad that I finally get to say it back to you. I know it hurts Chanyeol, and I know it's difficult, but the living has got to live on. I have to move on too, sooner or later, to the Afterlife or whatever the heck's in store for me. But I can't, if I know that you're still hurting because of me. I can't move on knowing that you haven't."

"But how can I be happy without you here by my side?" Chanyeol sniffed against Baekhyun's tummy.

"You have the memories of us. I'm not going to say those cliché stuff about how 'I'll forever be in your heart' type of shit, but those memories will keep you company, just like it will keep me. I'm really glad to have been able to spend my lifetime with you, Chanyeol-ah, but we have to move on someday. It might hurt a lot now but it will pass. Wounds heal and scars may stay forever but it will serve as a reminder of our love." Baekhyun paused and gave a little chuckle before pressing a kiss to Chanyeol's neck. "Like this hickey over here." 

"I don't know what to do, Baekhyun-ah." 

"Just promise me you'll try to move on. Promise me you'll smile the next time you talk to my picture. I've had enough of your ugly crying face." Baekhyun hit Chanyeol's chest playfully and the latter chuckled at this. 

"Promise me, Chanyeol." Baekhyun pressed his lips against Chanyeol's while talking. "Promise me." 

"I promise you." 

 

\--

_The day his husband left him for the second time, a part of Chanyeol resurrected -- the happy virus part, the Chanyeol who always manages to find the good in everything; the Chanyeol who enjoys making everyone around him happy; the Chanyeol who was a ray of sunshine; the Chanyeol who smiled despite everything._

_\--_

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to read my other happier stories lmao xx


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